Dog Breeder's Husband

I'm just a glorified kennel boy
Of minor importance I know
It seems my primary function
Is merely providing the dough

Now dog breeding's not inexpensive
As you all no doubt are aware
But the problem's not so much the money
as the bustle, the wear and the tear

Having studied the layback of shoulder
and becoming an expert on feet
I still have not learned to give worm pills
or how much the puppy should eat

My spouse will spend hours grooming
her Bred By Exhibitor bitch
But when it comes to scratching my back
her thought is to let the thing itch

Some day I hope that my wife'll
Take me wondering to some foreign vale
Instead of inspecting the stifle
of some Special stud at Hinsdale

Off in a crowded motel room
after the dog show is o'er
Someone questions the judges decision
While they reach for another drink more

It appears that his eyesight is failing
His errors in judgment immense
In fact if I did not know better
You'd doubt if he had any sense

One finds that the amateur's bungling
no match for professional skills
A handler can hide what the owner admits
As he tries hard his conscience to still

The din and the utter confusion
of everyone talking at once
Leaves one weary, hoarse and irascible
and the next day a bleary eyed dunce

Sometimes late in the evening
I'm asked if I do not agree
That Pottowattamie's Bridget
Is somewhat out at the knee

But before I can answer the question
I find my answer ignored
For some inexplicable reason
My questioner's suddenly bored

I'm only a dog breeders husband
Not that I mean to complain
But I find certain aspects amazing
When I aspire my role to explain.

I know at least where I am going
I'm rapidly going to seed
But I've learned about Winner's Bitches
I married the Best of the Breed

--author unknown