- The sex was so good, even the neighbors had a cigarette.
- If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
- We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
- Born free ... taxed to death.
- Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Don't take life too seriously, you're not getting out alive.
- WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
- So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
- I need someone really bad ... are you really bad?
- I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
- Give pizza chants.
- This isn't Burger King, you can't have it your way.
- If something goes without saying, Let it go without saying.
- If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
- Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
- IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
- I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
- Prevent inbreeding: ban country music.
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
- I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- Forget about World Peace.....Try Visualizing Using Your Turn Signal
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' ... till you can find a rock.
- I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
- I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
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